So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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