I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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