I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I pour the whiskey from now on
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
