So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
