Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it's like heaven, but drunker
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
