my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
two words...techno handjob
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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