dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Ketchup is God's man juice
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Im part way to drunk.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
