I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My vagina is very pro this idea
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
