I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
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i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
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I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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