Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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