we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
