if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
