I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
