he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We got so high we made milksteak
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
