Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
