I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
