he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
