As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
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Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
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Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.