Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
