well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?