you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
