it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize