This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
