i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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