My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
