He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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