You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
