im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
