i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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