somebody snuck up and got me drunk
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
