so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize