Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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