The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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