i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
