I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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