Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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