I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
