some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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