Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
