It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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