All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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