Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
