i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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