Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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