brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
