Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
