Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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