but the lizard people decide everything anyway
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I would fuck him just for his dog
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