So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
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So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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