I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
