dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
