LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
