Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
