Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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