Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
