Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
