Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
