I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
