It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
