in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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