New invention idea: vibrating tampons
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
