I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
