Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Randomize
