I just pynch a tree in the face
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
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You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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