if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
