i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's blow job season.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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