used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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