Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
