i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
