She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When are your genitals available?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
