Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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