You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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