the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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