He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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