Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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