I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
